Naptime and Behavior-In my experience, these two are directly related. I’m not talking about disorders, or the more fixed personality traits a person has most of the time. I am talking about being tired and it being confused for “brattiness,” meanness, being obnoxious, or whatever label.
I see it a lot- people giving their children personality traits that may very well just be an expression of fatigue. This isn’t a criticism. It is an observation. Sometimes, we try to understand something through the experiences we have had with other people, but our perception can be flawed. Our children have not had our lives and just like they may not understand us, we may have difficulties understanding them.
It took me wanting to fall on my knees and on the brink of insanity to truly embrace naptime, fully. My point is an unrested child can become a major challenge, especially since a tired child may look energized and aggressive, not sleepy. I decided to have my children regularly nap because I needed it as much as they did. In the beginning, I didn’t know if they were tired until they fell asleep instantly, or simply calmed down and quietly rested. The house becomes silent, and it is a beautiful (miraculous) thing for the three of us. When I did trust the decision to schedule naptime, it was a game changer.
When my oldest was born, he didn’t stop crying for long periods of time. His first pediatrician advised me to wear him in a baby wrap, to soothe him. I tried and failed. I am very petite, and his weight didn’t allow me to carry him, without causing great pain to my body (later, that pediatrician admitted that his wife had severe back pain as she aged..) The attachment theory ( or one interpretation of it) won’t work for all of us. The first year was hard because of the constant crying. We read, took a lot of stroller rides/walks, and nursed. However, I started to notice that he was tired. I paid attention to his expressions, figured out when he was tired and jumped into naptime- this was usually after eating. This didn’t start out easy. He cried when I laid him down. It took two week of committing to naptime, for things to change. Naptime had been more difficult, than bedtime, because he didn’t fall asleep while nursing. So, it was as if naptime had also worked to sleep train him.
After I learned with my first son, I had to figure out how to have naptimes for two kids and breaktime (for me). I had a schedule with my oldest son, and it had been easier to keep my youngest on the same schedule as my older child. This was a mistake. My younger son needed as much rest as my oldest, had needed. His personality completely changes if he isn’t rested.
In the beginning naptimes were difficult to figure out, but here’s what I did.
Until my sons were about 1 yr, they slept about every 3 hours. I nursed before and after naps. By age 2, they were both taking 1 nap. All families, kids, and situations are different but a regular effort towards rest can help children and their guardians to communicate better and to avoid challenges like tantrums, “going off” on a child, etc. I truly feel our children are much more tired, then we realize. We learn to underappreciate our bodies and the need for rest. I wonder if this is learned and if this is in part why adulthood can involve difficulties with sleeping. We simply weren’t meant to work hard, play hard all day and night without regular downtime-
Naptime is so important for children. Infants are literally experiencing new images and sounds everyday, in a world that won’t make sense to them, for a while. Putting them down for naptime lets them process what they are experiencing and gives pause to the experiences in their lives. If you think about all of the sounds, images, sensations, bodily functions, and tastes you experience in a day, there’s a lot for a new person to take in, with no control over any of it. It is believed that our five senses are relatively immature as infants, fortunately for them. However, they still take in more than they can be expected to comprehend.
I understand that some parents may feel very close to their children, and struggle to put them in a room with themselves. Allowing space can be a practice for some parents. The closeness we can feel to our children can feel like a challenge as we balance so many things in life. However, that closeness may also be the reason we feel so compelled to do the things we were not accustomed to do. Maybe that closeness is an urge to help us evolve the human condition…not a place for fear. I’m sure we have all seen examples of people creating miniature versions of themselves or young children made to play a role, like a friend role. This is not usually intentional on the part of the parent, still it gives a clear message to the child. It is my experience that naptime can be a basic example of teaching self love, space, and on some level, that we can be alone (and whole and still a part of something, like a family or circle). Lessons are taught with steps. The routines we teach are also examples for life.
If you haven’t noticed, many people at “the top” seem to rest, often. I have even heard self proclaimed “hard workers” or “everyday” people criticize these people at the top for how often they rest. Let me ask this- how creative can a tired achy person be? How much can anyone really do well, tired? Are you even happy, tired? How drawn is anyone to you if you run yourself into the ground? Why is it so great to be a hard working, tired, depressed, resentful person? Can you truly be your best and all you were intended to be, tired? And yes, you deserve better and should intend more for you.
Intend to rest, more. Our bodies need it and deserve it.
Funny enough, it is time for my sleep. ZZzzz.