The holiday season is always a great time to practice self- love. Often, it involves a Forget List.

Some examples:

1. Forget the mad rush to get something that will be forgotten about in less than a month or after the hype dies down
2. Forget cooking a huge meal- unless you truly love the process.
3. Forget visiting people who are unkind to you, your partner or your children.
4. Forget spending extra time at work…or do your best to work less.
5. Let’s lounge or play without apology.
6. Let’s watch what we put into our bodies. Overeating and hangovers may be symptoms of doing something we “have to do” – spending time with family or “friends”. The drinking and overeating can be how we cope.  Forget that you had to show up, then you won’t need to cope.  You know, some habits are worth breaking.
7. Plan to do something exciting, now. Next year isn’t promised, and spontaneity can be a practice in freedom.
8. Hear your heart. It is our biggest motivator and helps us to remember the things we knew as children.

Some people believe that self- love is selfish.  While working with people, I heard things like:

1. “Showing self-love is narcissistic”. Narcissism is a commonly misused term.  Here is a very basic description of Narcissism.  Narcissism has more to do with a lack of empathy, can be exploitive, needs admiration, and generally believes he/ she is better than everyone and shows it.  This person doesn’t take constructive criticism well and has a vulnerable or fragile self-esteem… Usually this is rooted in self-hatred or even sadness.  Actually, self -love and narcissism are opposites.
2. “Self -love is just being lazy.” Lazy, by who’s standards? Did someone call you lazy because you weren’t doing something someone else’s way?  Is this someone you want to be like?  If you find that your body hurts, or that you need all kinds of medications, I would say that your body is begging you to notice the pain and to STOP the same old routine. Do you crave a different life?   Life is too short to be miserable.  I want to feel good, and I want my sons to have a healthy happy mom as an example for a woman/ person.
3. “There are too many other things to be concerned with.” In most cases, this is just not true.  Let me be honest- the world isn’t likely to end on account of something we did or didn’t do.  We are just made to feel like it could…  I know a lot of us carry weight on our shoulders.  Stop, gently remove the weight, and walk away.  We are responsible for ourselves and our young children.  As for the rest, practice letting go.  Yup, it might be another process.  Sure, I live in the so called real world, and some things will be done at some point in the near future.  But, it gets done in the flow of my life, not against it…it has been and is still a bit of a process.  The thing is, I’m in a place where I am not anxious over this stuff anymore.  Also, my wellbeing is just as important as anything else.
4. “What is that?” It’s taking care of yourself.  It’s putting yourself first (because you recognize your place in the world and because you are worth it). It’s doing something you want to do, not always giving in to make someone else happy.  It can be figuring out what makes you happy, and doing it.  If you wanted to show someone love, how would you go about it?  Do that for yourself and know you deserve it.
5. “I just want to be nice.” What if we are genuine and true.  Can’t this also be kind?  Saying “no” is okay and we aren’t saying or implying anything.  It’s just, no.  If someone assumes something, well that isn’t really your issue.  It’s something for that person to work on.  Maybe by saying “no”, you are unknowingly freeing up other people.  Lets be real- some traditions or things should stop, especially when people are miserable.  In my life, the relationships that ended, usually developed again over time.  The difference was, everyone learned something and was treated better. Boundaries are respected.

I hope you enjoy your time away from work.  Let’s give time to ourselves.  Forget the Have to’s.