Love is not a feeling we teach with words.
It is the way we live. It is our demonstration that is the teacher.
Evolution–When I think about the courage it takes to love freely, I can’t understand how love is considered “mushy” or “soft”. Truly loving and striving for happiness takes a strong spirit, on this planet, currently. It takes something extra to say, “Enough, I want more for myself.” Along my path, I’ve seen how brave and evolved people have rebelled in life. They were usually propelled by love. Love can stir us into action, or us give a reason to stop and actually see things. A few paragraphs down, I have written messages I hope to leave with my sons.
Some people don’t think love is real–I would agree that how we have defined love, wasn’t usually love. I think love in a true form is actually the way we choose to exist in the world. It isn’t something we fall in and out of- like frail, conditional romantic love.
Defining Love—It is a topic I have struggled to write about, because love has been redefined by the masses. People even say, “you can’t put love into words, you just know.” For me, love has propeled me with words… I’m not talking about the “love” you see in everyday life. I’m talking about the love that transforms. I’m talking about the love that stops you in your tracks, and gives the experience of peace- when we stop choosing the same old routine. This love stops your mind and pumps your blood. Whenever I’m speaking of love, this is all I’m talking about. No ego, no agenda, no manipulation or masks, no victim mentality, no needs or promises required – that’s love.
I think it is also a practice. A practice on getting back to ourselves, first. This is done, in part by not living life on autopilot. We stop being robotic with a predictable nature defined by labels.
I began to notice how much I was living my life with habits I never intended for myself. For example, I never cared for coffee, yet I drink it and have even developed a taste for it. How? I don’t like most songs on the radio, yet I can sing along to most songs on the radio. I watch other people, and I see them doing the same things. I have even noticed that a lot of times we don’t even look like we are enjoying what we are doing, yet we make time for these subpar activities…why? It has actually become bizarre to observe. It is happening everywhere. It may sound crazy, but just take a look…how many people actually look happy while doing whatever they are doing. I’m not just talking about work. I am talking about the stuff we do during our “off the clock” time. —This is why self-love (and love for other people) is a practice- to change our state of being- for happiness and intending love- to expect more for ourselves.
I hope one day a word for love will become unnecessary and it will just be the way we live with one another.
The messages I want to leave with my boys:
First, and again-Love is a practice.
Most love songs aren’t about love. They are about ego.
Love can be seen in the process of healing.
Love is always unconditional, but it never makes us weak, ultimately it evolves us. We can learn from self- love, that other people have a right to love themselves too. They have a right to have their process without us. Loving someone is respecting their path and honoring their lessons. The same is true for ourselves. Respecting our own journey and honoring our own process is self- love.
“to have loved and lost” isn’t possible. There is only to have loved and still love. Situations may change, people may die or leave, but love doesn’t end. Sometimes, a person can learn best- alone. Sometimes, volunteering to go your own way, is the way…until it isn’t…whenever that is…
Letting go of old beliefs is loving.
Love is being grateful. It’s seeing what a person has given and taught you. If you can see all the ways he/she already gave to you, that is a miracle. Love is being grateful for the small amounts of time we had with someone.
Love doesn’t make us a sacrificial lamb. If we feel like we are making sacrifices, there is an imbalance in our lives. How can you begin to take back your life/happiness? This is a process and usually requires taking steps. Remember, most of us are examples for someone else…like our daughters and sons. We can teach our children by giving them a real example.
When I’ve been out with my boys, I have actually had older people (usually men) express regret over how much they missed out on, while their children were growing up. In the process of making other people happy and acquiring things, we can realize that having stuff never lives up to our expectations. We are left with the realization of what we already had, all those years. Yes, we need to find a way to make a living, but balance shouldn’t be what we sacrifice.
Marriage doesn’t prove love. In so many cases, it has nothing to do with true love. In our history, marriage was about survival. True love allows freedom and allows the choice to leave. Traditional vows have been the opposite of this freedom.
Love doesn’t die, but sometimes it needs space to grow.
Currently, it seems that lessons in love are experiential. I don’t feel that parents can “protect” against pain from love. I actually don’t feel bad about this, because I have felt this as the most beautiful experience- seeing the beauty in something …more(?) than what I was previously taught. I. am. grateful.
On Self- Love– This is a love we practice (everything is a practice). We practice seeing ourselves as more than the face we see in the mirror. We remember our old dreams. It is in happiness without needing a reason to be happy (happiness doesn’t have to follow after something, it can exist first and lead). Remembering our shadow side and honoring that first- hand experience. Once we get through that experience, we can see that no one could ever be too far gone.
Remembering the shame we have felt was only there as a way to control us. Shame can only live when we perceive someone else as less fallible. If you think you have done something unforgivable or unlovable, maybe you have forgotten that it has been a part of the human condition to have the freedom to experience everything. All of us have had challenges and the freedom to make particular choices. I don’t feel anyone alive has only ever been “good” 100% of the time. I don’t think it matters, either. We perceive each other as different based on physical traits, titles and materials, usually. We hear who sounds or looks polished and we judge, accordingly. Personally, I don’t know how I feel about someone, until I have spent time around him or her. Celebrity status doesn’t faze me. If it feels good to be around a person, that is what draws me to that person- not their looks, cars, nor status. That stuff isn’t real and doesn’t make a person any which way…By being with people I enjoy sharing space with, I practice self-love.
The Inner Child– This is a healing process that can be found online. It is a therapeutic technique and I have seen it help a lot of people. You don’t need a therapist. It’s a process that helps us to start remembering the child we used to be. Find some alone time. Look at old pictures if you need help, remembering you. See your eyes, your little body. Begin to remember you. Love the little girl or little boy you once were. That child deserves it. All of us have that small child in us. When you see the innocence in the child you were, you can begin to see the child in everyone. Most of us started life very different from where we are now. Remember your innocence to love yourself, to love the child in everyone you meet. The adult faces you see in public will begin to seem different. You may begin to see a person’s story in their eyes- the love, the challenges, the dreams, the hope…the acceptance underneath it all…
The more we evolve the more accepting we become, the more we allow other people to be free, and realize love doesn’t die, and it is unconditional. And, it doesn’t need chocolate covered cherries or expensive dinners. Those things could never define our whole state of being.
Love is in how we live, not just in the details of our romantic lives.