I have been fortunate enough to hear the way some powerful people process their thoughts (and some of it I just happened to learn along my path). You may have heard some of this stuff too. As my boys grow, I will try to help them engage in the world by giving them current information on how to present themselves. I’m not teaching them this stuff so that they can earn A’s or to win anyone over. I could care less about A’s or chasing “success”.
Plus, “Success” and happiness are determined by so many other factors and the interplay of those factors. The most important factor is our mindset. The person who knows he decides his place in the world will have a different experience, from a person who only sees obstacles.
For kicks, below is a small list of random things to watch for when engaged in life. These are things I will pass on to my kids:
+ Sympathy and empathy are different
Sympathy is to feel sorry for someone and from a mental health perspective or even spiritual perspective, it is almost never appropriate to say I sympathize with you. It is disempowering, to say to someone, “I feel sorry for you.” The ONE exception in western society, is when there is a loss due to death.
Empathy is simply to have some understanding of what it is like to “walk in someone else’s shoes”. To empathize or feel empathic to someone means that we feel how someone else feels- to varying degrees. (If you are studying psychology, let me give you a heads up- Many professionals and professors don’t like the word empathetic, due to the ending ‘pathetic’. It is my experience, that interviewers/ faculty immediately shift their views about a person/student if this word is used.)
+ I have heard adults say, “I wasn’t allowed to ____” . This can sound powerless and these words almost fuel certain types of people with power. Obviously, there are times when someone or a group has taken power and not allowed something. Sometimes, it is best to simply state specific facts. “Mr. ___ continues to interrupt me.” Miss _____ has not responded to my request,” etc. Whether we know it for ourselves, many other people know everyone has a choice in everything they do. Many people abuse the fact that so many of us feel less powerful and like we have to allow things we don’t want. Practice speaking as an empowered person, without ego. We ARE all equals.
+Be aware of your body language. Back straight? Shoulders rolled back slightly? Head up? Arms to the side? Can you make and keep eye contact? Are you confidant and intentional? What do you do when you become agitated or nervous or anxious? If you don’t know, take time to notice it. Chances are, other people can tell you what your habits are…
+ I have heard some people proudly say something like, “You know us, Smiths. We have short tempers!” Know that “short tempers” or other types of characteristics can be easily made into a tool for other people, against you possibly.
+ “You owe me.” This is a statement that is becoming very outdated, as an argument. Many people know that debt is a perception and that we all make choices (though we don’t all make choices well.). Many successful people understand that we benefit from being intentional, capable of discerning, and being less needy on anyone (while being open to options).
+ Being kind goes further, than acting in anger. Try this out the next time you speak with a customer service rep. I have seen that generally speaking, people want to help each other out. If feels good, except when we are being insulted or minimized. Plus, nearly everyone you will come across is answering to someone else. Almost no one in the public eye made the rules with which we are all frustrated.
+ No matter where a person is in life, there is significance in his existence now. I have seen how people can unassumingly impact someone else. I heard a monk say, “Miracles are simply the connections we didn’t know we already had”. That is a beautiful thing- Where we stand is ok, and we are still connected (even if we don’t see all of the connections). The challenge is realizing the opportunity in where we are, currently. Maybe we have the tendency to over complicate things, and we carry around baggage, or outdated ideas. We can have more trust in ourselves.
+Maybe some of us are empowered by being just another face in the crowd…. Some people wish for notoriety or fame, but I think some people have the greatest impact in the trenches of everyday life. Forget the old standards of “success”.
This list is meant as a flotation device, because we are all swimming in the same ocean and the waves are big, sometimes. Our impact together, is bigger.