Boundaries often define an experience or relationship.  The ‘normal’ boundaries we are taught as children usually influence our adulthood and what we consider tolerable interactions.

Further below are tips on how to establish boundaries for kids.

Whether we are conscious of it or not, boundaries also tend to shape the way we care for ourselves- do we act like our health matters? Do we act like our happiness matters? Or, do we constantly put off a desire or dream, or avoid learning healthy recipes, because certain boundaries are not respected by a spouse, child, or in-law. Who is even responsible for maintaining (or practicing) boundaries?

This may seem like simple stuff, but I have observed this as the thing that many people get hung up on…knowing and acting on healthy boundaries.  It’s like some of us don’t feel like we deserve to have space to live and to be happy.  SO, instead we drink, self-medicate, accept that we are a depressed species…truly, the one big thing that could change everything is knowing that we all deserve to be happy and BOUNDARIES can help with this…

If you think about it, understanding healthy boundaries is how we neutralize peer pressure. If we understand that someone pressuring us to do something we don’t want to do, is violating our space and boundaries, then the power in peer pressure greatly lessens.  We can see when the illness is in the crowd, rather than within ourselves.  We can then act with a confidant understanding, of a situation.

What exactly are boundaries?  Boundaries are like rules on how to interact.  Healthy rules promote well-being and even happiness or space.

Tips on Establishing Boundaries for Kids:

1. Know what’s important in your family. For example, kindness and communication are important for the boys and me. So, we practice actions that are related to self- control (like no hitting, pushing, biting) and we practice using our words instead of going into immediate tantrums.
2. Boundaries should be reasonable for the child, and easily understood. Try to consider the child’s point of view. Usually, children are just trying to have fun (they still know how to be happy, although children can be completely unbridled). Most of the time, they have little understanding of social norms. Keep in mind, that some social norms can be just as unhealthy as a lack of boundaries.
3. Communicate and be a safe place for communication. Many times, children wish their parents could just understand a situation, because the child has learned not to go to the parent.  The child doesn’t want to be yelled at or risk a misunderstanding.  A young child is still learning how to effectively communicate, but they easily understand how to avoid a parent’s anger- just speak less, lie or shut down. Effective and concise communication is hard even for adults…
4. Be respectful. Name calling, minimizing, shaming, or comparing children is the opposite of healthy boundaries. See your child as a partner and soon to be adult, whose friendship you may want, one day.
5. Consider your child’s age. We want to ease our children into adulthood.  We can do this by treating them more like adults as they age.  So, curfews become later as they get older, they make more of their own decisions as they age.  Generally, we practice letting go as they age, so they have the experience before they leave home. I’m sure we can think of individuals who remind us of grown up children, rather than adults.  The idea is to help our children become capable adults.
6. Be consistent. Both parents should support each other. Maybe, both of you expect to hear from your teen if she will be passed curfew, maybe you expect your tot to stay in his room for naptime.  Just be consistent and work together for an easier stage in your child’s life.
7. Know what the consequences will be ahead of time, if boundaries are ignored. This will help you during the hectic, frustrating challenges when you may have little time, and feel too tired to think clearly.
8. Be flexible and open to change, as needed or as appropriate to the child or situation. Sometimes life is tricky to navigate, especially for children. There are times when a child needs to have something explained, rather than to be grounded or given time out.  This is also a great time for them to see that you are not rigid, but that you are able to understand and empathize with them.  It also helps them to learn to establish open communication with you.  For example, a child may say something that is not culturally sensitive (maybe they are repeating something they have heard from an “eccentric” or “old school” family member).  Instead of rushing to punish them, it may be more beneficial to explain why we don’t agree with, nor speak like Uncle Larry.