For this season, self-care is so important for staying clear and above the fray and drama.

To start, think about the times you were happy in a relationship or think about the times you were happily excited over something (genuinely happy…remember no one is reading your mind, here)….

What did you do for yourself? What did you wear? Where did you go? Any hobbies or particular routines?  What did you eat? What didn’t you do?

Below, are examples for ways to stay clear and to practice self-care.

• Self- love honors the totality of you, without judgement. Love all of yourself even if your family and friends are at a different level of understanding. It is a practice. On that note, emotions and feelings can be a tricky animal- useful if we understand them. Challenges if we are completely dominated by all of the things we automatically feel but, don’t dive deep enough to understand. We can embrace all parts of ourselves. That darker side of ourselves has a purpose as well.  Mine allowed me deeper understanding and empathy for other people, through my own actual experiences. It also allowed me to stay afloat before I knew how to better navigate life’s situations.  On some level, I think it contributes to the lighter side, as well.  The many parts of you, have a place. The totality of you is a masterpiece waiting to be more fully discovered…maybe dark at first but, beautiful as the “pieces” begin to fit together.  One of the things I loved about helping people in a mental health setting was seeing a very real reaction in the eyes and in the shoulder area, as people began to arrive at their own deeper understanding and answers.  I have heard so many stories and heard so many experiences from people.  From these stories I can say that we are good enough, powerful enough, deserving enough, smart enough, thoughtful enough, enough.  Some of us just get lost or confused and begin to believe the b.s. surrounding us.
• Wear whatever you want, for yourself. For a lot of women (or men), it’s about wearing the things we would wear in a relationship, but instead, for Ourselves. A few years ago, a friend spoke to me about this- Wear the lingerie for yourself. Too many times, we connect who we are (down to our undergarments) with the people we are with…then, the relationship ends and we want to burn everything because, so much was actually for someone else…our lingerie can trigger memories and our clothing can become innocent victims.  I think, more of us would gain from the practice of making decisions for our individual selves. The satin (?), lace (?) vegan leather 😊 (?) should be for you, the person wearing it! Wear it even if you are the only one seeing it, under jeans, uniforms etc. Yes, you do have the body for it!  It takes all kinds of shapes! You don’t need anyone to tell you that you are attractive enough…Forget some fake photoshopped image in the magazines (and yes, even models are put through the photoshop process). Our bodies are great. Or, if you hate this stuff, Don’t wear it. I have known people who felt burdened by the things they did or wore, for someone else. Life is too short to not cut out the small burdensome details. For some of us, fragrances easily lift our mood…wear it for you!
• Take care of your body. If it aches, soothe it. Soak. Moisturize. Be aware of what you put into your body. Hydrate. Appreciate your body for what it does everyday. Men can embrace a soothing bath as well, with the oils and fragrances, as they please.
• Meditation- For me, this is sitting and possibly listening to Clair de Lune (Debussy), Silence (Beethoven) or Nocturne (Chopin) and slowly going into an old memory of a room surrounded by windows my mother had just opened. After she left, the white curtains began moving in the wind. I remember the feel of the wind and the look of the long white curtains flying around the room. It felt magical, somehow. I have to be careful with music. Does music influence your mood too?  I have heard so many people mention how music can change the way they feel—I am the clearest- minded when I am happy or light-spirited. Music that makes me feel energetic can be happy but, with too much umph, sometimes. Around my lion cub kids, a peaceful vibe is a good balance. While meditating, I sometimes feel what is happening inside my body, part by part or all together.
• Protect your space, in the home. For me, my room is a space the boys know they treat different. No rough housing. None of their food, in my room, etc.
• Play music in the home, if you are musically pleased. This may be a good idea while visiting family. It keeps certain people from feeling like they must talk. I know some of you already know this trick.  You know, in the spirit of taking care of yourself, you really don’t need to visit everyone, right?  I definitely feel this is especially true during the holidays. The Grinch had wisdom to impart too.
• Choose who you call a friend wisely-In the past, I have had a difficult time in determining the good witches from the bad witches (I think of The Wizard of Oz, at times). I can see parts of myself in both…
• Flowers can be uplifting for anyone like, single people, men, women and, children. Flowers are not just for special occasions, females, for the sick, or for funerals. Plant flowers, pick some up or go to a botanical garden.
• If the weather allows it, sit outside. People watch or feel the sun rays or refreshing cold wind on your face.
• Confidently, stand up for yourself and your children as needed.
• Ladies, some of us would benefit from reconsidering how we talk about our monthly cycle (or lack of one). Our moods, our pains are there for a reason.  Could it be that our bodies are communicating something to us?  If you lash out during this time, maybe you are putting up with too much all month long.  Could it be that you are tired most of the month? What are you eating? Practice treating yourself well and try staying aware of what triggers you, to help guide you. Nature has a way of taking matters into its own hands, when necessary.  Our hormones fluctuate but, would we be triggered if our lives were functioning better, somehow?  Life isn’t perfect but, there are usually little things we can improve, on our own. I have heard some women say that they think men also have a monthly cycle- fluctuating emotions that follow a pattern.  Maybe we can all pay closer attention to our bodies and honor that menses or lack of one is only a part of the equation.  We are all in a flow and, it is not a one size fits all.  Men, if you are reading this, know that many women feel it is incredibly unattractive when you are squeamish or disgusted by our bodies’ cycles (it’s not a cute look). There is no need to contribute to the shaming that women have endured throughout history.

Self-love isn’t some wimpy wompy spiritual thing. It doesn’t even have to be spiritual.  It is a navigation tool, in life. It is also a strong statement to everyone around you- you are someone who matters.