In life, the way we view “strong people” has caused some confusion. I think misunderstandings happen because of the confusion around feelings like love, what personal strength looks like and, how we “should” interact with each other.
Let me give you an example. Friends have said things like, “I fell in love. I actually do want to get married to him.” There was a tone and it felt like explanations were being given rather than, a happy announcement. I never really understood it, in those moments, but I didn’t think much about it. Recently, something was mentioned…
I think love is great! My own life isn’t totally conventional but, I didn’t go out of my way to prove some point…and yeah, I can admit that I wish some things had played out different, for me too. I don’t know why we accept that our laws are so involved in matters of the heart but, I’m not against people coming together….far from it.
Distorted Feminism Vs. Empowerment
It’s about feminism and old distorted ideas on what being a strong female (or a strong male, for that matter) means. To be honest, “feminism” can get under my skin. This word always catches my attention because, it has been so twisted and turned into something that still looks like a controlling mechanism. Personally, I don’t even identify with feminism nor, with the many faces of feminism. Why? Well, there are two main reasons, for me. 1) It always looked like more of the same but, now women trying to control women and 2) A lot of the time, feminism seemed to just absorb more masculine energy- like less balance of both feminine and masculine energy. Embracing femininity is not being weak. There is a time to embrace both energies within ourselves.
When I was younger, someone told me once to, “think like a man.” Truthfully, that helped me to learn a lot of things like, how to negotiate or to assert myself- there is a balance to this…years later, I realized that there was a time to also go with the flow and, to allow other people their desires without constantly asserting myself or heading towards war- I hope I’m making sense…
It’s important to remember that we act like more of what we practice. Feminism should be about balance not just asserting one’s self. Good ol’ give and take…in which case, maybe it’s not about gender at all…
My views on truly empowered women (and men):
- We aren’t against love. I see love as one of the most powerful forces to live by.
- We aren’t controlled by the politically correct thing. So, maybe this is where some confusion happens…
- We don’t feel the need to control people.
- We do have opinions and think for ourselves.
- We appreciate people who act as equals but, we don’t need our specific gender to blindly back us. “Girl power” is great but, only if these are informed, balanced, truthful, non-manipulating females who know what they stand for or, at least they are figuring it out.
- We see the value in being inclusive.
- We don’t desire or have a need to put down the opposite gender.
- Empowered females have zero need to think, act, work, or look like a man, just For THE SAKE OF BEING “STRONG”. I have seen many women do this to play a game, specifically with work. I have also seen females do something different- like challenge the game to help change it. “Girly” girls can be strong too. This bullet Isn’t about how some people identify with gender. This bullet point is strictly about wearing a mask or, not being authentic.
- Strong men and women do have things we can teach each other but, we shouldn’t get caught up in one way to be.
- We don’t see ourselves as victims. We simply know that some people “get it” and some people are still learning.
- As I have seen it, there are some men and women who are inherently agents for change. This can be observed in everyday life. Maybe you have spoken up on a matter, or challenged some outdated idea. I have actually seen people doing this who didn’t even appear fully aware of what they were doing. I love that and I love that I noticed it…
- Traditionally female roles or traditionally male roles are seen as interchangeable among gender. In my opinion, everyone should know how to take care of their home, learn how to be assertive, have compassion, etc. Do what makes you happy. Underneath my own less conventional life, I actually feel traditional but, I am not bound by it. Nor, am I willing to make any great sacrifice for the sake of tradition.
On “Independent” People
Have you ever noticed that views on independence seem to revolve around work or money? From what I have seen, some of the wealthiest people I know are actually the most dependent people for everything from childcare providers to employees to housekeepers. Some of these individuals don’t know how to book a flight or how to cook. The world doesn’t see them as dependent though. Isn’t it true that money doesn’t necessarily level up your actual capabilities?
As I see it, the more people you need to function in life, the less independence you possess. Money doesn’t mean that a person has mastered a skill, creates, nor has more knowledge. Those qualities are separate. Yet, there are assumptions made about people with stacks of cash. I have also seen that Nepotism is alive and well, in the world. It is even accepted, much of the time. This further breaks down our current views on how we assume people are independent because, of job titles, wealth or so- called status.
Views on Independence or independent people are completely distorted in this country. Looking for independence through work is an illusion because, at the root of it, we always benefit from working together. Obviously, these dynamics should be fair and just but, sometimes in the pursuit of of being an independent woman or man, we settle for unfair work…some jobs can be an illusion of independence. I would even argue that this is true much of the time.
Human Beings Need Community
“We go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong . Remembered forever.”
Until a person has children, it may be difficult to see how “independent” is a bit of a stretch when describing any life. We all need each other to take on various roles, to get anything done.
Independent women and men don’t stand on their own, either. Stay at home parents do some of the hardest work on the planet- true warriors- bringing up other lives. They don’t have clearly defined work descriptions with paid overtime. Moms and dads still have their dreams and wishes but, for some people those things are deferred plus the added stress of the day to day life. This is just one example for why a sense of community helps keep the person healthy. Hopefully, you have someone you can trust and depend on…
Why does any of the above matter?
The truth is, we are all a lot more dependent than we may realize. We are all interconnected in one way or another and, whether we see it or not. Have you ever been through a natural disaster? If yes, then, you probably have an appreciation for your well stocked grocery store and, their clerks and their truck drivers. You probably appreciate your neighbors and know they can be vital players in life, as well. It’s in those moments when you realize that what is important has nothing to do money or with what is going on in Hollywood or what speech is given in D.C. ( Besides, you wouldn’t be watching TV without electricity, anyway. I think those speeches are truly made for everyone else, during disasters…) What would you do with money when your area is flooded and nothing is moving in or out of your community?
In the end, it isn’t about an “independent” person.
I’m not against money. I just think we give too much power and prestige to that sole aspect of life. It’s out of balance.
People are awesome, powerful and many of us create more than we realize, without the flashiness that usually just blinds anyway…