For me, teaching anything can’t really follow the models or structures I had nor, do I follow a very strict routine. I want to avoid things like anxiety for me and the boys. I also don’t want to give my sons the impression that they must learn to rush around stressed about the things that we all tend to eventually learn aren’t actually that important. Habits are hard to break even when we know better. Unhelpful habits can be observed everywhere so, try to stay aware of what You teach by accident… We can all drop something we don’t want to demonstrate to our children. I intend on helping the boys to avoid becoming discouraged with the idea of learning. I want them to KNOW they are capable of anything, not just hear it. I intend on helping them to live free without feeling that they must prove something or that they must live mainly by what is expected of them.
Personally, I think learning about anything should be compatible with a life that demonstrates personal values, health, joy and truth.
If you have high energy lion cub kids, they may roar at a forced rigid schedule. I would have to *break* my sons and, I am not about doing that to our kids. I am about encouraging their free nature with helpful knowledge and, growing their beautiful hearts.
Below are some things to keep in mind as you teach about important tools (subjects):
- Think about what is important to you. Be careful to not over emphasize everything else. For example, my boys are learning about the very basics of geometry. They know that lines move in both directions. But, we haven’t touched clock time. They are in Kindergarten and Preschool. For me, time is important and being on time can be a way of giving respect, in our society. It is also easy for kids and adults to get lost in schedules. For that reason, teaching about the invention of clock-time is a higher-level lesson and, I emphasize other more important things for now. I don’t want to give the impression that the past, or future has any real importance. It exists only in our minds, in the form of thoughts and memories. I write this because, people have felt destroyed or altered by the memories they struggle to let go of…I have seen that our concept of clock time as real, can actually be hurtful…still we indoctrinate kids with clocks, get them cool watches, put them on endless schedules and rush about. The concept of time is complicated, frequently altered by the powers that be and, it isn’t even real. All the while “presence” and awareness of the moment is lost, as we grow… another topic for another day. BTW, I do plan on writing about clock time. Keep in mind that clock time is different from the theories you may hear in a physics class.
- Think about new ways to ask questions, when a child is having a hard time understanding the lesson. When I first started teaching about numbers, I had to learn how to make sense to a newer person. For example, I would ask, “Which number is bigger?” One of my sons looked at me like I was crazy. My other son was hesitant but, guessed anyway. He pointed to the number that I had actually written slightly larger. I hadn’t asked the question very accurately. To help my boys do well, I don’t usually get away with asking questions the same way I was asked….for this particular lesson, I related numbers to dots and m&m’s. The > and < sign became shark mouths with teeth. “What would the shark rather eat 3 m&m’s or 1 m&m? They enjoy numbers more now…sometimes, they add that the shark wants chips with guacamole…or, chocolate chip cookies.
- Be Honest. Some subjects we may never use, in an out right way. Some subjects are building blocks to better understand other concepts. Being well- rounded and a little familiar with a variety of concepts helps us to make better decisions, in so many ways. Simply put, having well-rounded information helps us to connect a variety of topics. I think, in some ways, this helps with higher level topics like, creating a peaceful world. Or, seeing likeness in each other rather than, only really seeing difference. Some “black sheep” students have a hard time valuing teachers who simply regurgitate the same old information. Some of this information isn’t even entirely honest. Black sheep students can smell that…and most can easily lose respect for the teacher. I have seen it and, I bet you have seen something like that play out, as well. I have heard some teens communicate frustration over topics because they can see that teachers and parents are sugar coating historical events or that certain events were simply more complicated than some adults admit too- this can cause a kid to shut down. This is especially true for the the intelligent “black sheep” student. Stay honest, with heart, to keep your kids listening to learn some of the good information some schools teach.
- Difficulties in learning often come from issues with *communication,* issues with *perception* and, maybe even a lack of creativity, possibly on the teacher’s end and, that can happen for many reasons. Resources and support may be limited. If your child must be taught at a school by a lot of different individuals you don’t know, I think it is important for a parent to realize she can play an important supportive role to teachers. Let’s be real- these are OUR kids other people are teaching. I know some of us are incredibly busy. My point is to make the attempt to stay as aware of what is happening at school, as you can. And yes, I know that takes a great deal of effort. Parenting is challenging and I’ll never deny it.
- Try to stay neutral with the subjects you didn’t care for in school. We don’t want to pass on the same negative views or hardships we experienced while in school. I don’t think subjects and concepts have to be inherently hard. What are the subjects you didn’t enjoy? Why? Some students shut down because they are forced to solve problems a certain way. We don’t all learn the same way and, we shouldn’t be forced to learn in the same way. Human beings aren’t robots.
- A lot of what we teach is abstract. Clock time is one of these abstract concepts. Even reading and word sounds can be abstract. I used to run my fingers over words as I read to the boys. I saw that one of the boys copied me but, he wasn’t following along with the sound of my words. There was a disconnect with the sounds, my pauses and the movement of his little fingers. So, I took his pointer finger and moved it as I read. I made sure to pause his finger as my voice paused. I explained the symbols, ?, ! . Now, he sees the grouped letter symbols (words) as they relate to my word sounds. Kids are new people and they don’t always automatically relate to what is happening. Why should they? If your young kids have a hard time reading, the issue may be that they are not relating the symbols on the page to the sounds of your voice. BTW, As a way to teach empathy, I tell the boys that birds and cats and other animals speak too. We make animal noises and “communicate.” This also helps the boys with learning about emotions, as well. “What do happy birds sound like?” “What does an angry momma lion sound like?” “Do animals cry, too?”
- Self care should be included in the lessons. The boys are learning how to cook, wash dishes and they are still learning to appreciate regular baths. They are also still learning to appreciate quiet time, which used to be nap time. Now, they simply play in their rooms, snack or, whatever. As they grow, they will have learned that it is okay to spend time chilling out solo or quietly. Or, at the very least that some people need it, like their mom and, that is okay. They know this is the time mom has for peacefully eating or, making phone calls or whatever I need or want to do while at home. They also know that I want them in their area of the house, not outside or roaming around the house. Every child is different. Mine are very high energy, curious, good at team work and, still very young. So, they have limits during quiet time as a matter of safety. I constantly check their area of the home for altercations, random unsafe objects and, gage the cleanliness. This helps to keep things easy and it gives me peace of mind.
- Kids learn a lot from each other. If an adult is having a hard time relating enough to a child, to communicate some concept, consider letting another child be the teacher, as you listen in.
- At times, kids listen to different adults, better. Sometimes, it is a good idea to get a different adult to talk to your kids. For example, my boys gravitate towards some of the men, in my family. They like the man time. This is a great opportunity for them to hear pearls of wisdom from someone other than me. The boys can see that things are applicable to them, even though they are having a male experience vs. getting info from their mom’s female experience. So, if your kids have a hard time hearing you, get someone else they like or respect involved. Sometimes it leads to funny conversation. My oldest son insists that he has facial hair and that he needs to shave. I don’t see what he sees but, I enjoy his view point.
- Avoid blaming the child for “not getting” or understanding the material. I know that it can look like a kid isn’t even trying. From what I have seen, most kids “don’t try” if they don’t think they can do something. Most kids just need a boost of confidence. It may help to make the subject matter applicable to the child’s interest or life. This is another time when a parent can benefit from practicing creativity. My kids love stories, animals, dirt, to draw, learning about planets and anything to do with vehicles. So, I try to use those things to relate subjects or lessons. For example, learning basic geometry and applying it to drawing dump trucks, is helpful and fun for them. If I had a little ballerina, I would relate ballet to very basic physics. So many unrelated things are related…
- Try looking up the basics of any subject, for yourself. Skip what you want but, if they see you taking an interest, kids will often take up an interest. Never stop learning because it frees us.
- Try boosting a child’s confidence through the tough lessons. One of the biggest barriers to learning is our belief that we are not smart enough. This barrier starts early. From what I have seen, it is total B.S. People are capable of a lot but, most have learned how to hold themselves back (and yes, I will keep being your number one cheerleader!). One way to boost them up is to prove to them they already know some concept. This may take some creativity but, consider it and look for it. Many of us are demonstrating the very concepts we didn’t realize we never knew, we knew. Another way to boost confidence is to admit your own limitations. A parent can say, “I’m not wording this right.” Or, “ Let me explain this better.” Sometimes, a lesson simply can’t be taught with words but, we insist on words.
- Be careful to not over emphasize scores, grades and competition. What are you genuinely trying to teach? Stay true to the lesson. For most of us, it isn’t about learning how to one-up people. Or, it isn’t about the letter grade. It is about the lesson and how we learned the lesson. Some kids shut down because tests are given too much weight on the final grade. Tests don’t always test anything but how well that student understood the teacher…test don’t necessarily say much for capability. Keep in mind that test scores are often a way to tout a school. This usually comes down to funding. It’s complicated.
- Stay open. I know plenty of parents who want nothing to do with technology. I completely understand that but, taking such a strong stance may not help. Technology isn’t inherently bad and it isn’t something we can escape. Plus, a lot of kids are drawn to the gadgets. Personally, I think our kids gain from learning how to use technology, to be shown that it isn’t the most important thing and that we use it- not the other way around. If we avoid technology, are we also avoiding the opportunity to practice important skill sets and the concept of balance? Plus, I have seen many kids gravitate towards the things they are denied. Most of us have heard about the kids who are never allowed to eat sweets- they gorge out on junk food while at their friends’ houses. Yes, to some things, we always say,”No.” Most of the time, practicing moderation and balance is more helpful.
- For some of us, learning little tricks, for understanding, can be very helpful. For example, some of us can look at a new word or number on paper, hold it in our memory but, somehow things get switched up. As a little girl, I learned that hearing a word spelled out or hearing a number, helps me to get around the switching up in my mind. My memory works better with sound. I can’t trust my photographic memory. I have to get around it, for accuracy. I can trust my memory of sound. When trying to learn something challenging, I have to hear myself, sometimes. Then, I’ve got it. As kids, some of us have to learn how to work with our inner world and to reconcile the differences with how the rest of the world sees things. My oldest lion cub is the same way. I know that once he grows up, he will have learned how to navigate with his quarks or individual characteristics. We all have our little differences and not everything needs a diagnosis or a medication. So, if your child is having difficulties in school, it may have to do with how he processes things. You can ask him if the problem is with his sight, what he sees in his memory, how his fingers work (motor skills can trip up young kids) or, is he having a tough time with how he hears things.
- Is there an unrecognized condition? Anything from allergies to anxiety can get in the way of our kids learning. Notice tendencies and habits your child may be displaying. Kids don’t always realize their actions and tendencies. So, they can use the help to become more aware of their actions. This may sound like a strange thing to mention but, this is very true of adults as well, hence (good) therapy…
Teaching is such an underscored action. It takes empathy, creativity, curiosity, honesty and, the ability to see different perspectives. You have all of that ability and, as parents, we can encourage our teachers and schools by being involved, giving your support and, being a voice in a place that may need it. Plant seeds for change where you can.
P.S. Something unrelated– If you are in hurricane season remember to keep important medicines filled, like insulin, epi-pens, asthma inhalers, etc. We often remember food and water but, forget the other stuff or, we chance it because this stuff is expensive. Do what you can, while you can.