I grew up with someone who was in a life-altering accident. At the time, this man was 27. His body was different and suddenly his life’s trajectory had changed. This accident also changed the lives of his family members. All of us were deeply affected, in different ways.
Around the time of this accident, I had also seen a piece of metal on a door frame fall into the skull of a classmate. I was in 2nd grade. Things were not making sense. Looking back I can say, I had already stopped trusting the grown-up world and the fairy tales in books…
To this day, I find myself looking at the top of door frames before I walk under.
As a little girl, I didn’t have the words to describe how I felt. My mind struggled with inconsistencies between “safe” and what I saw as reality. “Rules” were being broken. Bad things DO happen to good people. Kids DO get hurt (even at school!). Maybe we all go through this.
It wasn’t just about safety. Kindness, or a lack of it, was also invading this time- which brings me to this post….
Our children who are considered “normal” benefit from parents who take a proactive approach to teaching about disabilities or illnesses. I have seen kids and grown-ups stare at people with physical differences, even talk or whisper like they can’t be heard or seen. I don’t think this is evil but, it is ignorance and a lack of empathy.
As a person who lived with someone with physical challenges, I have some tips/info for helping to educate our kids….
- Sometimes, it is okay to ask questions. Do remember that some people can become frustrated that strangers are asking medical questions. Sometimes, people just want to be treated like they are people…
- Avoid being patronizing. “You are so brave!” “You are so inspiring!” Not everyone wants to hear those words while they are out grocery shopping or doing other necessary activities. Most people don’t just roll over and die because, they have different challenges from the rest of us.
- Many people who cannot see with their eyes do not consider this a handicap. We don’t have to function in the world the same way, do we?
- Ask before helping. If you feel inclined to open a door, ask first. This is polite but, it also let’s the person know what you are doing. Remember, it may not be easy to tell what is going on, without average vision. Use your voice.
- Be honest about a family member’s illness or changes in life, when talking with your kids. If your children are young, use dolls to help them to understand. Show through play. Try to speak with facts and be aware of your tone but, it isn’t necessary to paint a rosy picture. Be a teacher, in that moment, if it helps…use simple words and say what you mean to get to the point. Children benefit from knowing what to expect during challenging, life- altering times.
- Did you know kids who have been diagnosed with Down Syndrome (AKA trisomy 21) benefit from being in the “normal” classrooms with the “normal” students. This is called “Inclusive Education” and most mainstream schools know that kids with different needs benefit from being included in regular classrooms. In my state, some parents are still having to hire lawyers to keep school districts from violating federal laws (yes, there are laws supporting inclusion (!) because, it’s important for all of our kids). No one should be confined and we learn best from each other…Plus, this is a great way to facilitate ACCEPTANCE. Everyone can offer something to the group. Be a supportive voice in the classroom for all of your kid’s classmates. I think some people teach us a new way to perceive our world or a new way to communicate. That expands our minds and that isn’t something you can just learn while learning how to pass another state test.
- Never underestimate a person because she functions different or looks different. Notice her true ability and encourage her. For some people/kids, their confidence just needs to be heightened. Other people benefit from realizing there is no gain in pretending to be less-abled than, they truly are…
- Autism is considered a neurological disorder Not a learning disorder.
- Some disabilities are more about the way we can or can’t use our bodies. Disabilities don’t always involve a person’s ability to think, learn, reason or to feel emotions. Talk with your kids and help them to imagine what it may be like to have likes or dislikes or emotions that have to be expressed in different ways. Help them to see the human being rather than the physical differences. This helps to build empathy. It also encourages creativity. For example, there are different ways to communicate. We can be creative enough to learn how to communicate. Some kids communicate through drawing, or by typing or with facial expressions.
- Videos online can help to educate our kids on a day in the life of people with various challenges or lives that are different from the mainstream.
- Teaching about diabetes or other diseases can help to empower our kids so that they are able to help a person, in case of an emergency (possibly while waiting on an ambulance).
- Teaching about seizures and what they look like, also empowers kids to be proactive in case of an emergency. In feels good to be able to help. Occasionally, we are surprised in life and our community is better for having knowledgeable, empowered people.
- Maybe the people we call “disabled” are actually the people helping the rest of us to be more abled. Maybe they give and allow us “normal” people an opportunity to show what we are truly made of…
- Not all people are fully identified with their challenges, disabilities, or illness. They don’t want to be called “that schizophrenic” or “that handicapped boy”, etc. They prefer for people to use their names like so many of us prefer…
- Some people proudly identify with their disabilities because, they don’t see their disabilities as a negative. For some people, society has turned disabilities into a negative or a hardship. When speaking with people try not to assume that they feel sad or unfortunate about their challenges. I stay aware of my words and tone because, not everyone feels the same about things…
What if our perceived differences somehow make our groups stronger and more well- rounded, creative and with better perception…
Did you know a young boy from California created a Lego Braille Printer? His name is Shubham Banerjee. He open sourced the directions. It’s cost was around $350…much less than the $1500- $5000 price point for these types of printers. If you are in the market for a braille printer, below is the link where I found the directions.