Most of us are looking for ways to teach our children how to participate in the day to day responsibilities around the home. This is a good thing for many reasons. I think it is also a good idea to reevaluate the word, chore, and our whole take on things like chores.
In life, half the battle may be the way we see or feel about all of the day to day responsibilities: keeping things tidy, taking out the trash, doing dishes, etc. These things are important because, it helps us to stay healthy and more self-sufficient. It’s the wording that can over shadow the good in these activities. A chore is a miserable, have to do something, kind of word. Words can impact our view.
I don’t like the word chore. It has no purpose other than to say, “you must do the things you don’t like, to possibly get what you want.” Sure, there may be moments when this is true but, it shouldn’t define a moment’s purpose.
See words as tools and be careful which tools you choose.
We may tend to over emphasize certain activities while inadvertently ignoring activities involving kindness or self-care. It’s easy to say anything any old way, but the problem is that our words don’t always qualify the true way that we feel, about what knowledge we are trying to pass on to our kids.
So when the time came for me to begin teaching the boys how to be more involved in their home, I scrapped the chores. They naturally began to do things like vacuuming but, I saw that they could benefit from direct talk and practice on self regulation and, holding a conversation for at least a minute or two…
Creating a Big Picture Lessons chart for children
For a lot of people, visuals help to understand topics. Having something visual may also help to maintain focus on the important stuff (this reminds me of something else, vision boards).
- Choose Big Picture Lessons. From the picture, you can see that the boys and I chose Tidiness/self-care, Kindness, Learn and Self-Regulation. I think it is important to allow the child to determine what is important for this chart. This is how they can be accountable for what they do throughout the week. It isn’t so easy to feel accountable for something we had no say in determining.
- Choose Activities to practice each Big Picture lesson. We chose to write these at the top of the chart, in red.
- Determine an incentive that is sustainable, over a longer period of time. In other words, don’t make a promise to them that would be hard to keep or too costly. The point of this chart isn’t the incentive. The point in this chart, is the practice of acting with intention and from a place of well- being.
- Draw a chart to help keep focused on the Big Picture Lessons and activities.
- Use stickers or checks or happy faces to denote a completed activity.
Obviously, you can determine any Big Picture Lesson and, its activity for practice.
Remember to consider:
- Your child’s age
- How it can work in your day to day lives
- Adding little fun quarks. Eating candy is on our chart because, the boys thought of it and it made them laugh when I agreed that it was important. Being accountable can be fun and not only about the boring stuff.
- Your own thought on this chart. People tend to feed off of each other’s attitudes, on things.
I can already hear some of you, “My kids will see through that. They will know I am trying to get them to do something.”To that I would say, “Well, then your kids are great at discerning things. You have awesome kids.
This shouldn’t be about manipulating or trickery. Get your kids involved. Ask them what activities to include under topics like:
- Self-care
- Taking care of the home
- Studying and education
- Expressing kindness
- Community involvement
Make up your own topics, if you want to emphasize other things and, remember to keep the activities doable. Activities under “kindness” may include, smiling or, keeping a conversation when a neighbor or family member asks a question. Activities under community involvement can be something as basic as helping a sibling to do homework. Studying may involve a subject unrelated to school classes. One example of studying could be music appreciation- listen to The Beatles. Have you ever really listened to some of their music? John Lennon, no words could ever really capture his stuff….that group…no words, The Rolling Stones, Chopin, Al Green. I grew up with Julio Iglesia and Willie Nelson singing about all the girls they loved. Max Richter’s, November- I mean only listen to that if you want to feel life but, a violin in general…really music is something to study. It can also make for good conversation or a good laugh. Music can also be tricky and full of unhealthy messages. We can be mindful of the music we play. Many times, I don’t play all of the stuff I really enjoy but, there are still plenty of records being played in our home. Recently, my son heard, “Can’t Touch This.” His only response was, “What, is he gonna break!” I have always told him not to touch the breakable stuff, in stores.
Sometimes, a child just needs to practice using his mind or, how to be involved or what a topic actually looks like, in life. Start small.
incentives.
There are times when kids benefit from having an incentive to do something. Incentives should be doable over a stretch of time, nothing very costly. Ultimately, this isn’t about earning payment or, working for something. Ultimately, this chart has more to do with being accountable for our intentions and well being.
We are all accountable for ourselves, even if we don’t all act in this way. To say, “you have to work for something,” reminds me of how people speak when they have been held down, slaving in the not so good life. Personally, I neither vibe with those words, nor see accountability in those words- “you have to work for something.” (Although, we do at times have to work to, “make things right.” Kind of a different thing though…) And yes, we do have to find a way to contribute and to get the things and life we want…but, I would still say that is different from, “you have to work for something.”…the vibe is different, to me.
Simply, choose your words with intention. Yes, your kids should see through anything cunning and, if they actually do call you out on it…well, I think those types of kids are usually great to be around and interesting to talk with in a conversation- but, you already knew that…
Okay, well, I hope this is something that can help you, with the big picture stuff.