For.giving someone who took (or, so it feels).
That’s why it hurts when someone does something disagreeable with us. They took something we didn’t want to lose- our trust, our dreams, our innocence, our relationships. You name the wage, anything can be taken, if we agree to it…if we agree to our loss…(our emotions are a big part of this experience).
We all know pain. Please don’t think I’ve been protected from feeling deep pain. At the end of this experience (life), we will all have been introduced to the challenges that seem to tear at our hearts. Yet, we forget this is a part of all of our experiences. No one person immune.
Still, we divide and so it seems like our hearts divide too.
Why is forgiveness hard, when it’s so heavy to keep a debt?
A lot of times forgiveness is confused for giving into the same thing or routine, like as if we are excusing something.
I would say setting boundaries is not the same thing as caving in. Seeing a bigger picture and communicating in a balanced way is not giving into more of the same. I would say, “I forgive you” is not “Let’s repeat the cycle”.
Forgiving can be acceptance to what we couldn’t change, because it’s done. It happened. For me, that usually means a good cry- that’s when I know I’ve let go- when my last effort is to let my tears carry away the pain of what I know I couldn’t change or correct, or understand or see…for some of us forgiveness is more about our own actions in a situation…acknowledging how we were involved and seeing our own choices.
I wish forgiveness cured us from all things, instantly. But, we know some things don’t change overnight. I know there are examples of horrific things happening every day. Change and forgiveness can merge, still, some things require a bigger intervention. Because, maybe some things need more of us to let go of the debt we hold over ourselves- We are more connected then we can currently see… and that is another topic all together.
Forgiveness is a practice
We can for.give a new way of being with each other. We can also remember that everything is a practice. We can practice being balanced in our views- instead of trying to tip the scales…(does that make sense?).
“How can I ever forgive her/ him/them?” “They did this to me!” “I don’t think I can ever change how I feel!”
For.giving is something we do for ourselves. This isn’t B.S. We give back to ourselves the peace instead of waging war. Have you ever hated someone or felt strongly against someone? What did that do to you? Often, we feel like something is taken or even destroyed, in us. We refuse our heart for someone, yet that person may be unconcerned, or not even know how we feel (because his/ her perspective is different). Even if they feel pain, it’s likely that you feel anger, sadness or other emotions as well. Where’s the win in that…it’s just another group of miserable people.
Things people do to practice letting go of debt:
1) Write a letter. You can write anything. Don’t send it unless it feels right to you. Write the things you have never said. Be honest. Practice what you would say. Write why you feel the way you do, be thorough, tell your side.
2) Begin to see how you can right a wrong. For example, if an authority figure hurt you as a child, mentor a child as an adult. Be what you wish you had… Be the change.
3) Sometimes it helps to see the whole story. There was a time when I thought I needed answers from a person who couldn’t give me answers. ‘Why?’ was in my head a lot. Over time things were being revealed. One thing led to another. My pain subsided, because I saw that things were less personal than I had thought. I had not been hated. I had just been in that (frustrated)person’s presence, period. Later, I realized I didn’t really need answers, anyway. This realization happened after I started looking for ways to take care of myself. I started to feel happy when I made myself responsible for my own happiness.
4) Whatever you do, practice feeling the release of letting go. I also like to do something that I enjoy, directly after.
We aren’t made well for low emotions
It’s my experience that humans are not set up for heavy emotions against each other. Most people who feel low, self- destruct. There are many socially acceptable ways to self- destruct. Our diets, taking various substances, and ignoring our own well-being is a short list of ways to self-destruct.
Some people see themselves as happy because they have money and other physical things. Maybe these physical things are attempts to fill a void…Running and acquiring can be a strong motivation for some people. Sometimes, we confuse running for excelling. If a person is actually running (or trying to prove something) their legs may become tired, someone might catch up to them…then what? Then there is our health…yes, we finally know (we have scientific data, if that’s what you need) emotional stress affects us physically.
I am talking about low emotions because it’s usually a slope to other choices. Pain and sadness can be at the root of some of our decisions. We may not even see the connections, as we are living our lives. When we begin to dig into why we live a certain way, we begin to uncover a foundation of habits stemming from early sadness, feelings of inadequacy, etc. A lot of times, forgiveness is key to breaking cycles and habits.
Forgive for freedom, not because you owe it to someone- you don’t owe anything. Practice forgiveness because you deserve to break the shackles and chains around your arms, your ankles, your heart, your mind.
Embrace the light side of life, forgive, live, and love yourself. Each step we take to letting go, is one step closer to peace, because maybe peace starts with the regular person…the individual…all billions of us…