Most of us know that communicating with children is different than when we communicate with adults. Being heard can be a struggle for parents and children.  Yet, communication is so important in any dynamic.

Help them to stay focused by going to their level. As most parents know, helping them to hear you is half the battle.  This is in part, why I write a lot about communication.

One way to help them focus is by embracing their interests (staying attentive is hard even for adults).   Helping them to stay focused is especially important for high energy children.  My own boys are like little race cars.  Embracing their interests will also help children with limited vocabulary…below are some examples of what I am talking about…

1. My boys have an interest in anything with wheels. So, for example, I get onto their level, by pretending a vacuum is a vacuum street sweeper truck (in our house the vacuum’s name is Vacy and it is a truck, first).  This started as a way to teach them that is wasn’t scary and that cleaning can be fun- Perception is Reality- right?  Other unrealized vehicles include, shopping carts (haulers), strollers (transporters), and even bodies are race cars that have to take care of themselves to avoid blow outs and that we eat to have energy from food “fuel”.  I do mention that gasoline and diesel are dangerous and we never drink those two liquids- only other vehicles drink those kinds of fuels.  This point can be modified for any interest with any young child.
2. Some children need to know it’s okay to pretend. It is the most natural thing for a child to pretend.  However, some children quickly learn that it isn’t appreciated.  This can shut a child down from communicating with grownups or even other children.  For a lot of children, pretending is the language they speak, first.  When it isn’t of value, communicating can become tricky for several reasons- So, in the process of making pretending OK “serious” children can loosen up a lot over time and it can truly be a process.  Kids have to trust a situation.  Some serious children may not like seeing you act silly- they just don’t trust it and don’t really know what to do with it.  You can remind them that everything is okay and that you (the parent) can act silly if you want to.  They don’t have to be silly.  Typically, they come around and ease up.
3. Kids understand there is a difference between “love” and “like”. Give value to play time and play with their toys too. I think many grown- ups would be surprised to know how much children want to be noticed and to feel “liked” by their parents.  When kids make friends, they play with their friends.  That is how they show, “I like you.”  It’s simple, but that is what they know.  Even the children who feel loved want to also know they are liked by the parents.  On some level, kids understand that “love” and “like” are not the same.  It can be difficult to have a solid foundation in communication when one side is struggling to feel valued or liked.  This struggle isn’t always obvious and kids don’t typically use many words to explain something to us.
   
4. If needed, help them feel that it is okay to pretend and to be silly. You are a great example for this. Play, watch yourself, and try to be less serious or hard on yourself.  It’s hard for kids to live up to standards they may not even vibe with, especially since kids don’t tend to have big egos- not that we have big egos, right? We benefit from remembering the purity and simplicity of our own inner child.  As children, many of us didn’t care about the same things that we give value to now (with our actions)…Have Fun again or more often.  I sing silly songs to the boys.  I laugh (but I don’t make fun of them) when they are being silly.  I read them books with characters that are being silly or pretending. There are some healthier cartoons that can help with this too.
5. For cleanup time, I ask them questions like, “How does a dump truck move blocks?” When they are drawing, I ask them what shapes make a truck.  Once you get into this groove of relating to them, there are fewer limitations in the way of their understanding.  This can boost their confidence.
6. When they are creative, being silly, or doing something new be impressed and let them see that you know they are awesome.
7. Sometimes, kids teach us while they play. I know a lot about vehicles.  Some of it I have learned with my boys and, some of it they have taught me.  I say, “Oh, I didn’t know the first monster truck was built in the 1970’s.  Now I know and thank you for telling me!”  I give value to them and show appreciation for them teaching me and caring enough to tell me.
8. Words don’t translate as well as actions. This is true for any age group.
9. Most of us don’t want to feel like it was some huge sacrifice to be around us. The same is true for our kids. So, at a game, at a cheer-leading event, or whatever they are engaged in try to enjoy it because, your kids are doing what makes them happy.  We all feel pulled in many directions, at times- try to stay aware of your words.  This isn’t deceptive.  This is helping your kids to see that they have worth and or worth your attention.  The last thing I want, is for my boys to replicate into two more images of me.  I want them to be who they are as happy, free individuals.
10. Older kids and teens gain from being treated like the young adults that they are…I am talking about showing them respect ( I know this will trigger some adults, but we are the examples). I have seen multiple times, that kids want to talk with the people that reciprocate respect.   In school, I remember wanting to perform or “do right by” the teachers or adults I respected vs. an adult I felt was demeaning or rude to me.  Some of our kids are similar. Typically the people we truly respect, respected us and may have even had faith in our abilities.

Let’s enjoy and protect the purity and happiness childhood can offer, by protecting our children’s right to their first language of play and pretend. 

We are one.