I was born in San Diego with a childhood sprinkled around the U.S. (including Puerto Rico). I grew up in a conservative military family, filled with both unique experiences and opportunities to learn from…
I have a Master’s of Science degree in Counseling Psychology, and an undergrad Business degree in Marketing. For me, the bigger lessons involved taking the lead in my own life and trusting that I had my own answers. My life has been about application. It has involved breaking patterns and cycles. I think that’s the challenge we all face- the relentlessness in breaking habits and forming new ways of doing things. I also think it’s necessary to get away from needing other people to be our authority figures. I hope that by the end of my life, I will have gotten closer to living the life I would want for my children- A free, happy, intuitive, loving experience full of actions that reflect who I truly am…not a life filled with rules I didn’t write, fear from others, or conditioning.
Opening up and supporting each other is the way I can see a change occurring. This isn’t always easy. Not everyone will understand and it’s not easy to be open in such a public space. Looking back on my life, I realized being a little uncomfortable has let me know I’m on my right path.
I’m doing this because enough random people (strangers) ask me questions. “How do you get them to eat raw veggies?” “How do you get them to clean?” Initially, I had only written a journal for my sons. I wanted to give them tips on parenting, in case they need it, one day. I’ll post versions of the info I have written, on this site.
I hope others will open themselves up, in whatever circle they reside, and speak their truth. This is about community. We don’t need political officials, celebrities, or public figures to do the work. “Regular” people are powerful. Below is a letter I have written to my sons. I’ve included it, because it further explains why I started this site. If it resonates with you, then I encourage you to find your own path too. The yellow brick road has already been explored. 🙂
Dear Boys,
First, I love you forever. I have always been proud of you and the two of you are among the most intelligent, kind people I know. If there was ever a time you questioned my love, I apologize for the lack of communication.
Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t want to follow the examples, exactly. I didn’t want to just inadvertently give you the same path I had.
After becoming a parent, I remembered all of the B.S. I was told. Generally speaking, I couldn’t shake how words often don’t match actions.
One morning, I sat in the dark trying to make sense of things. Life was beginning to feel like a game, and I couldn’t remember the rules. This lead me down dark untraveled paths. In time, I began to see cycles I wanted to break. I was scared to change but, the life I had was in direct conflict with the childhood I wanted for you. At the time, I could only take small steps. I learned to get dirty, questioned my words and thoughts, I learned to cook better, and tried to criticize myself less. I let some “friendships” dissolve. I did little things, but over the years it was adding up to something bigger. So, here’s a road map in case you want one, someday.
Here’s the truth: Parenting is made of breathing first, and accepting that sometimes you can only wait out a phase with a whole lot of heart.
Kids are smart, but curious and not filled with anyone’s ideas of “have to’s”. That’s actually a pretty cool thing.
For the record, I don’t agree with spanking children. Hitting isn’t natural for me and I don’t know how to teach that way. If you have to, break down your own beliefs. You might rediscover yourself…As I grow into a parent, I continue to rediscover myself. I think about how I can be a living example for my sons. I try to be a more present mom, so that you learn to live in the moment. I give you healthy food and help you further by shaping your palette for healthy food. I eat veggies and fruits with you and talk to you about food.
I want to show you what kindness looks like when people are demonstrating it in a healthy manner. So, I try to be compassionate and respectful. I watch my tone. There are moments, when you see that I am not perfect. No one is perfect, and it doesn’t matter. Be happy, because that is how you teach happiness. Take care of a yard or even a plant because that is how you teach love for our planet. As it’s been said, “be the example”. That is how you teach.
Parenthood will reinforce your strength. There were times when I didn’t know how I would get through the day with a fractured foot, having lost my voice, or the worst sinus headache I had ever had. It wasn’t easy for family and friends to be around whenever something happened. We all deal with the demands in our lives.
In the eyes of the world, raising (up) children seems to be a minor detail- it’s in the actions of our society, workplace, politics, entertainment, etc. Yet, parents along with the rest of society, influence the perceptions passed down to our kids.
Everyone plays a part in what happens in our world. You may find that most people don’t live like they are that major in life. As you grow, I hope you see how a single person can influence or impact a whole group .
How will we end poverty, have peace and end hunger, without taking more seriously the perceptions we are teaching our children? We must recognize the lessons we teach and the hearts we help to grow, now. They don’t have to inherit our challenges and fears. Remember, this has nothing to do with perfection. Perfection has no depth. A person with depth can be a beautiful, capable teacher. We are at our best when we have explored our depth, and nothing can be used against us. We are strong and not easily manipulated.
Forget the self criticism. Start living in a way that feels right, for you. Take baby steps.
One more thing, it’s not too late for change. Change is the one thing that happens in every way, everyday. As I see it, change plays by it’s own rules and never asks permission. It’s a beautiful promise to us.
I love you so much forever, no matter what.
Mom